Friendships Ebook

Making and Keeping Friends

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Beloved Daughter at Two and a Half

Developed a close bond of friendship. I will particularly miss his Blackberry e-mail notes, which waited for me every morning when I woke up. He fully took advantage of the 3-hour time difference between Cleveland and California. I am also thankful to my executive editors, initially Heather Cullen and then Karen Sorenson, who have worked with me tirelessly and never complained about my calls at odd hours. While Jim took advantage of the Eastern Time zone, Karen and Heather suffered because they were awakened at night when I settled to work on HFC every evening in California.

Psychosocial Problems Associated with Communicative Disorders

Howlin, Mawhood, and Rutter (2000) reported a bleaker picture. They reexamined two groups of young men, 23-24 years of age, who had first been evaluated at 7-8 years of age. One group was identified with autism and the other with language impairment. At follow-up, the group with language impairment showed fewer social and behavioral problems than the group with autism. The two groups had converged over the years, however, and differences between the two were not qualitative. The young men with language impairment showed a high incidence of social difficulties, including problems with social interaction, limited social contacts, and difficulty establishing friendships. Most still lived with their parents and had unstable employment histories in manual or unskilled jobs. Neither childhood language ability nor current language ability predicted social functioning in adulthood. Howlin et al. (2000) concluded that in language impairment, ''as in autism, a broader deficit underlies both the...

Love The Basic Strength of Young Adulthood

Love, the basic strength of young adulthood emerges from the crisis of intimacy versus isolation. Erikson (1968, 1982) defined love as mature devotion that overcomes basic differences between men and women. Although love includes mthnacy, it also contains some degree of isolation, because each partner is permitted to retain a separate identity. Mature love means commitment, sexual passion, cooperation, competition, and friendship. It is the basic strength of young adulthood enabling a person to cope productively with the final two stages of development.

Fitness Indicators for People Other than Mates

Friendships or tribal alliances could easily have been modified for courtship. The overlapping use of fitness indicators in sexual and nonsexual relationships is why making friends so often feels like a variant of sexual courtship. There is the same desire to present oneself to best advantage, emphasizing skills, downplaying weaknesses, revealing past adventures, investing extra energy in the interaction. This does not mean that friendships always have a sexual undercurrent, or that friendship is maintained through some kind of sexual sublimation. It simply means that the same principles of self-advertisement work in both kinds of relationship. If friendships gave important survival and social advantages during human evolution, and if our ancestors were choosy about their friends, then many of our fitness indicators may have evolved for friendship as well as for sexual relationships. Given parents who discriminate between children based on their apparent fitness, children have...

Mas lows View of Motivation

For example, as long as people s hunger needs are frustrated, they will strive for food but when they do have enough to eat, they move on to other needs such as safety, friendship, and self-worth. Another assumption is that all people e 'erywhere are motivated by the same basic needs. The manner hi which people in different cultures obtain food, build shelters, express friendship, and so forth may vary widely, but the fundamental needs for food safety, and friendship are common to the entire species.

Evolution of the code

We find a similar process in the evolution of linguistic codes. The sounds uttered by the first speakers were probably little more than random combinations of vowels and consonants, at the beginning then they were divided into a few major categories (sounds of friendship, enmity, fear, satisfaction, etc.), and finally they managed to express an increasing number of meanings. The evolution of the rules went on hand in hand with the evolution of the words, and the two processes, although intrinsically different, evolved in parallel.

Trustworthy Profession

Medea I trust you but I have enemies . . . once you are bound by an oath you will not give me up. . . . But if your promise is verbal, and not sworn to the gods, perhaps you will make friends with them and agree to do what they demand. I've no power on my side while they have wealth and all the resources of a royal house.

The Fundamental Postulate

Are people really like scientists in their personal lives Although the metaphor of the scientist has become popular even beyond Kelly's theory (e.g., D. Kuhn, 1989), people are not veiy good scientists in their eveiyday lives. For one thing, they seek confirmation of their beliefs, while the scientist seeks evidence that could be disconfirming (Klayman & Ha, 1987). In fact, people sometimes turn to nonscientific astrology in order to become more certain about their beliefs (Lillqvist & Lindeman, 1998). We generally live so that our prophecies become self-fulfilling. Life frequently offers enough evidence on both sides to permit the confirmation of mutually contradictory expectations, depending on where we look. This selective viewing is suggested by the popular image of the half-empty, half-full glass, which confirms either optimistic or pessimistic expectations. Optimism is maintained by optimistic expectations and a tendency to overlook negatives. Depressed people, in contrast,...

Marriage and Relationships

Among dating couples, being loved and supported helps partners to grow toward self-actualization, becoming closer to their ideals (Ruvolo & Brennan, 1997). In several studies, Duncan Cramer (1985, 1986, 1990a, 1990b) has examined both romantic relationships and friendship. These studies support the growth-producing qualities of relationships identified by Rogers. Cramer (1990a) reported that high school and college students had higher self-esteem if their romantic partners possessed the characteristics that Rogers identified as facilitating growth (unconditional acceptance, empathy, and congruence). Growth-facilitating qualities of friends were also associated with higher self-esteem, but not so strongly as those of romantic partners. Unconditional acceptance seems to be a particularly important quality (Cramer, 1990b). Friends appear able to be relatively directive that is, giving advice while still having growth-facilitating qualities, in contrast to the nondirective mode advocated...

Belongingness and Love Needs

If safety and physiological needs are adequately met, the next level to become prepotent is the need for love and belongingness. At this level, the person seeks love and friendship. Maslow included the need to give love, as well as to receive it. He described these needs as a frequent source of maladjustment in our society.

Where Partnerships Can Be joined or Loosened in an Instant

One of William James's best friends was the philosopher Charles Sanders Peirce, who saw himself as a spokesman for the indeterminate, the chaotic, and the random. Peirce had little patience for those who viewed the human mind as a deterministic system running on the fixed rails of heredity and environment. The human mind, in his view, was an arena of refined chaos, where description is difficult and prediction is impossible. Yet Peirce, like James, was sympathetic to Darwinism, and viewed the mind as a natural evolutionary outcome.

Expressive and Coping Behavior

On the other hand coping behavior is ordinarily conscious, effortful, learned and determined by the external environment. It involves the individual's attempts to cope with the environment to secure food and shelter to make friends and to receive acceptance, appreciation, and prestige from others. Coping behavior serves some aim or goal (although not always conscious or known to the person), and it is always motivated by some deficit need (Maslow, 1970).

The Emotional Motivational Repertoire

Theorist Skinner Images Ecd Playroom

Interests and values, such as those measured in some personality tests, predispose a person toward certain careers. Religion incorporates emotional learning. Positive emotions foster friendship. On the other hand, social prejudice against minorities includes the learning of negative emotions against them. Cultural differences in social interaction occur for example, Chinese people generally learn more positive emotional responses to older people than do Americans (Staats, 1996, p. 127).

Profound Interpersonal Relations

Related to Gemeinschaftsgefiihl is a special quality of interpersonal relations that involves deep and profound feelings for individuals. Self-actualizers have a nurturant feeling toward people in general, but their close friendships are limited to only a few. They have no frantic need to be friends with everyone, but the few important interpersonal relationships they do have are quite deep and intense. They tend to choose healthy people as friends and avoid mthnate interpersonal relationships with dependent or infantile people, although then social mterest allows them to have a special feeling of empathy for these less healthy persons.

Biography of Abraham H Maslow

What I had reacted against and totally hated and rejected was not only her physical appearance, but also her values and world view, her stinginess, her total selfishness, her lack of love for anyone else in the world, even her own husband and children . . . her assumption that anyone was wrong who disagreed with her, her lack of concern for her grandchildren, her lack of friends, her sloppiness and dirtiness, her lack of family feeling for her own parents and siblings. . . . I've always wondered where my Utopianism, ethical stress, humanism, stress on kindness, love, friendship, and all the rest came from. I knew certainly of the direct consequences of having no mother-love. But the whole thrust of my life-philosophy and all my research and theorizing also has its roots in a hatred for and revulsion against everything she stood for. (p. 958) Being intellectually gifted, Abe found some solace during his years at Boys High School in Brooklyn, where his grades were only slightly better...

About the Friendliness Scale

Perhaps the most interesting finding of Reisman's research was that people who received low scores on his test reported having just as many friends as those who received high scores, but they were less satisfied with their friendships. And despite their having friends, they described themselves as shy and tense in social situations, and often lonely. There are a number of subtle, nonverbal behaviors that convey our impatience or displeasure at having to interact with another person. These cues may be difficult to specify, but they are easily recognizable. We have all met people who, even though they agree to help us, manage to physically convey their impatience or reluctance throughout the interaction. If you feel dissatisfied with your friendships, it may be that you come across this way. Along with making eye contact, make a conscious effort to communicate your interest and concern in others. Lean forward when your friends are talking to you, smile often and easily, verbalize your...

Sexual Selection in Primates

Most primates follow the general animal pattern of male sexual competition and female choosiness. But when the costs of male sexual competition and courtship are high, males also have incentives to be choosy When male mate choice becomes important, sexual selection affects females as well as males. In monogamous marmosets and tamarins, females compete to form pairs with quality males and drive off competing females. In single-male harem systems, the dominant male's sperm can become a limiting resource for female reproduction, and high-ranking females prevent low-ranking females from mating through aggression and harassment. In multi-male groups, females sometimes compete to form consortships and friendships with favored males. Such patterns of female competition suggest some degree of male mate choice. When the costs of sexual competition and courtship are high, males have an incentive to be choosy about how they spread their sexual effort among the available females. Males compete...

Social Development and Language Impairment

According to Caldarella and Merrell (1997), a large number of social skills contribute to the dimension peer relations. These skills include specific discourse pragmatic behaviors such as complimenting others and inviting others to play, as well as more general social attributes such as peer acceptance. Several studies have examined the peer interactions of preschool and schoolage children with SLI and have documented the detrimental effect that language impairments can have on this area of social development. For example, children with SLI are likely to be ignored by their typically developing peers, respond less often when their peers make initiations, and rely more on adults to mediate their interactions (Craig and Evans, 1989 Hadley and Rice, 1991 Rice, Sell, and Hadley, 1991 Craig and Washington, 1993 Brinton, Fujiki, and Higbee, 1998 Brinton, Fujiki, and McKee, 1998). Sociometric analyses confirm further the impression that children with SLI experience limited peer acceptance...

Domains of Mind as Domains of Science

One of the most fundamental aspects of being human is our reliance on others for our survival. We are constantly confronted with problems of interpersonal relationships from sexual behavior to child rearing, from friendship alliances to kinship-based altruism, from emotion and facial recognition to deception and cooperation. Very briefly, implicit psychology (socialdo-main) consists first and foremost of social preferences seen in newborns as young as a few hours old, namely, an intuitive and automatic preference for humans (especially the face) over other animal forms. With development, we see a number of specific abilities involving interaction between people, for instance, the ability to recognize and infer our mental and emotional state as well as those of others, even when their beliefs and emotions differ from our own. These abilities, in short, are known as a developed theory of mind. David Premack and Guy Woodruff first coined the phrase in 1978 and...

Moving against People The Expansive Solution

Career competitiveness and perfectionism tap this trend. In politics, the expansive solution can lead to vigorous campaigning or it can make military action seem more appealing (Swansbrough, 1994). From her clinical experience, Horney noted that patients of this type seem to have particular difficulty when they begin to come close to other people in love or friendship.

Moving against People

In the United States, the striving for these goals is usually viewed with admiration. Compulsively aggressive people, hi fact, frequently come out on top in many endeavors valued by American society. They may acquire desirable sex partners, high-paying jobs, and the personal admiration of many people. Horney (1945) said that it is not to the credit of American society that such characteristics are rewarded while love, affection, and the capacity for true friendship the very qualities that aggressive people lack are valued less highly.

Syntax The Nominal Group

Determiners are demonstratives and possessives. The determiner may precede or follow the nucleus sa hinn helgi madr (lit.) 'that the holy man', minir godu vinir 'my good friends', madr pessi (lit.) 'man this', modir min (lit.) 'mother mine', prxll konungs (lit.) 'slave king's'. There is usually at most one determiner in a noun phrase, but a genitive phrase may co-occur with a demonstrative pessi ord hans (lit.) 'these words his'. If the noun phrase


This book is dedicated to the life and memories of A. James Rowan, who lost his battle with cancer on August 27, 2006. Jim was a quiet man of modest physical stature, but he was a giant in the eyes of his family, friends, and colleagues. He always commanded our attention and gained our deep respect in everything he did. How will we remember him A colleague and good friend, Jim Cloyd, said it well ''I will always remember Jim standing with his hands on his hips and his head slightly cocked, with an impish grin on his face.''


My work and interest on the functional morphology of the gas exchangers and that of the avian lung in particular started under the mentorship of Professor (Emeritus) A.S. King at the University of Liverpool. I owe him immense gratitude for his guidance and continued friendship over the years. I have had the good fortune of collaborating with colleagues who gave me their time and shared ideas unreservedly. The ones that particularly stand out are M.A. Abdalla, King Saud University G.M.O. Maloiy, University of Nairobi S.P. Thomas, Duquesne University D.M. Hyde, University of California (Davis) and California Primate Institute J.B. West, University of California, San Diego and A.N. Makanya and S.K. Kiama, University of Nairobi. I should, however, hasten to add that I bear full responsibility for the final form of this account. Any infelicities of judgment that may have occurred are entirely mine. I beg the reader's indulgence and would be most grateful if such aspects are pointed out to...

Origin Of Gastronomy

Well what could be refused to that which sustains us, from the cradle to the grave, which increases the gratifications of love and the confidence of friendship which disarms hatred and offers us, in the short passage of our lives, the only pleasure which not being followed by fatigue makes us weary of all others.

General Description

The exaggerated and unrealistic nature of neurotics' goals sets them apart from the community of other people. They approach the problems of friendship, sex, and occupation from a personal angle that precludes successful solutions. Their view of the world is not in focus with that of other individuals and they possess what Adler (1956) called private meaning (p. 156). These people find everyday living to be hard work, requirmg great effort. Adler (1929 1964) used an analogy to describe how these people go through life.


Adler often used the motto, Everybody can accomplish everything. Except for certain limitations set by heredity, he strongly believed this maxim and repeatedly emphasized that what people do with what they have is more important than what they have (Adler, 1925 1968, 1956). Through the use of humor and warmth, Adler tried to increase the patient's courage, self-esteem, and social interest. He believed that a warm, nurturing attitude by the therapist encourages patients to expand their social interest to each of the three problems of life sexual love, friendship, and occupation.

The Case of Tobacco

Climate Survey measures beliefs, norms, and practices related to tobacco use, sale, taxation, and regulation in seven social institutional areas family and friendship groups, education, government and political order, work, health and medical care, recreation leisure sports, and mass communication or culture. Data from the surveys have indicated that implementation of a comprehensive, multidimensional approach to tobacco prevention and cessation will affect the social climate in which decisions regarding tobacco use are made (McMillen et al., 2001).


Friendship and understanding to bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. There is no religious affiliation and there are no membership dues or fees. The mission of the Compassionate Friends is to help families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive. As seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved, energy that has been directed inward begins to flow outward and both are helped to heal.


Medical care and are included in community activities can attend school, make friends, find work, participate in decisions that affect them, and make a positive contribution to society. There is a wide variation in mental abilities, behavior, and developmental progress in these children. It may be effective to emphasize concrete concepts rather than abstract ideas. Teaching tasks in a step-by-step manner with frequent reinforcement and consistent feedback has been successful.


Preadolescence, which beghis at age 8V2 and ends with adolescence, is a time for hithnacy with one particular person, usually a person of the same gender. All preceding stages have been egocentric, with friendships behig formed on the basis of self-interest. A preadolescent, for the first thne, takes a genuine interest hi the other person. Sullivan (1953a) called this process of becoming a social being the quiet miracle of preadolescence (p. 41), a likely reference to the personality transformation he experienced during his own preadolescence. The outstanding characteristic of preadolescence is the genesis of the capacity to love. Previously, all interpersonal relationships were based on personal need satisfaction, but during preadolescence, intimacy and love become the essence of friendships. Intimacy involves a relationship in which the two partners consensually validate one another's personal worth. Love exists when the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as...

Imaginary Playmates

More than any other personality theorist, Sullivan recognized the importance of having an imaginary friend especially during the childhood stage. He believed that these friendships can facilitate independence from parents and help children build real relationships. hi support of Sullivan's notion, some evidence exists that children who develop imaginary friends in contrast to those who do not are more creative, imaginary, intelligent, friendly, and sociable (Fem, 1991 Gleason, 2002).


Besides, there are often found collected around the same table, all the modifications of society which extreme sociability has introduced among us love, friendship, business, speculation, power, ambition, and intrigue, all enhance conviviality. Thus it is that it produces fruits of all imaginable flavors.


Eros, the salvation of sex, is built on the foundation of philia, that is, an hithnate nonsexual friendship between two people. Philia cannot be rushed it takes time to grow, to develop, to sink its roots. Examples of philia would be the slowly evolving love between siblings or between lifelong friends. Philia does not require that we do anything for the beloved except accept him, be with him, and enjoy him. It is friendship in the shnplest, most direct terms (May, 1969a, p. 31). In Chapter 8, we mentioned that Harry Stack Sullivan placed great importance on preadolescence, that developmental epoch characterized by the need for a chum, someone who is more or less like oneself. According to Sullivan, chumship or philia is a necessary requisite for healthy erotic relationships dining early and late adolescence. May, who was influenced by Sullivan at the William Alanson White Institute, agreed that philia makes eros possible. The gradual, relaxed development of true friendship is a...

Dangers Of Acids

I knew in 1776, at Dijon, a young lady of great beauty, to whom I was attached by bonds of friendship, great almost as those of love. One day when she had for some time gradually grown pale and thin (previously she had a delicious embonpoint) she told me in confidence that as her

Surrogacy 465

Support network A therapeutic term for a group of interconnected or cooperative individuals who give each other mutual encouragement and support. A support network tends to be an informal group linked by ties of friendship or family, rather than a purposely created formal support group.

My a Angelou

Maslow describes a choice that people must make, a choice between safety on the one hand and growth on the other. Choosing growth requires courage, but of that, Maya had an abundance. She seemed somehow to have developed a sense of trust in the growth process, and so explored political activism, African identity, careers in dance and writing, and a variety of friendships and loves.

Latency Period

Freud believed that, from the 4th or 5th year until puberty, both boys and girls usually, but not always, go through a period of dormant psychosexual development. This latency stage is brought about partly by parents' attempts to punish or discourage sexual activity in their young children. If parental suppression is successful, children will repress their sexual drive and direct their psychic energy toward school, friendships, hobbies, and other nonsexual activities.

Mental Retardation

Some children and adults with mental retardation, however, encounter significant difficulty developing oral communication skills. Such difficulty during childhood results in inability to express oneself, to maintain social contact with family, to develop friendships, and to function successfully in school. As the child moves through adolescence and into adulthood, inability to communicate continues to compromise his or her ability to participate in society, from accessing education and employment to engaging in leisure activities and personal relationships. For the most part, individuals who experience considerable difficulty communicating are those with the most significant degrees of mental retardation. They may also exhibit other disabilities, including seizure disorders, cerebral palsy, sensory impairments, or maladaptive behaviors. They range in age from very young children just beginning development to adults with a broad range of life experiences, including a history of...

Viral Meningitis

Mental health Good mental health allows children to think clearly, develop socially, and learn new skills. Mental health can be fostered by making sure a child has some good friends and receives encouraging words from adults. All this is important in helping children develop self-confidence, high self-esteem, and a healthy emotional outlook on life. In order to develop good mental health, a child needs

Life Stories

Verbal courtship allows individuals to tell their life stories quickly and verifiably. Humans can learn more about each other in an hour than mute animals can in months. Within minutes of boy meets girl, boy and girl typically know each other's names, geographical origins, and occupations. In the first heady hours of chatter, they usually learn about each other's families, past and current sexual relationships, children, friendships, work colleagues, adventures, travels, ideological convictions, hobbies, interests, ambitions, and plans. By the time a sexual relationship has lasted a few months, lovers usually have a pretty good idea of each other's lives from childhood onwards. By contrast, chimpanzees can never gain direct information about one another's past experiences or long-term plans. They can only make a few rough

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